Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

Nairobi, Kenya — A Kenyan doctor who removed a bean stuck in the ear of
a young girl forced it back when her parents said they couldn’t afford
the bill, local newspapers reported Wednesday.

The Daily Nation said the doctor successfully removed the bean from the
child’s ear and then presented the parents with a bill for $5.75.

When they said they did not have enough money, the doctor grabbed the
child, forced the bean back into her ear and ejected the family from his
workplace.

The Kenya Medical Association said it was investigating the incident.

There was a young woman named Dottie
Who said as she sat on the potty,
“It isn’t polite
To do this in sight,
But then, who am I to be snotty?”

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.”

–Unknown

Semiomantics Shop 2010
The Semiomantics Shop 2010 will be the hot topic of the first Ycademy Business Building Seminar of a cycle of 12 (one Seminar per month) starting today, Saturday 23rd, 2010. It presents an extension of the Ycademy December Seminar 2009, where Seminar participants set up individual IT Consulting Blogs as the example featured [...]

Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the
accident?”

Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.”

Attorney: “And where is milepost 499?”

Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost
500.”

Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday. While touring the Eagle’s Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a
group of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America’s many marvels. He demonstrated the
effectiveness of “Crazy Glue” … the hard way.

Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was,
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its being
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.

“Sally (the rhino) hasn’t been feeling well lately. She had been very
constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,” said James
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally’s tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored,
and a number of small animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from
the rhino’s buttocks.

First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down. However, during
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.

“It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say that
Demuth was into it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to
keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear,” said Douglass.
“I don’t think he’ll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while.”

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive. “I’m going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can’t take it to the zoo,” commented Vladimir Zolnikov,
leader of the troupe.

There was a young fellow named Cribbs
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
They were inches apart,
And to suck, it took art,
While to fuck, it took forty-two trips.

Marriage changes passion…
suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

Ute Schaedler
3 Bad Diet Mistakes To Avoid At All Cost

Even though there is so much information available about weight loss, the same diet mistakes are being made over and over every day.
We are not talking here about little slipups where you ate a slice of pie that was not on the plan, but big mistakes [...]